Damn hippies…

Oh COME ON! MOVE IT! Jesus Christ on a crutch… GET OUT OF MY WAY YOU F****** HIPPIE. What the heck is wrong with these people? Why do they think they own the road? It’s not like they paid for it. Ha damn losers! Who pays for the road huh? Who pays those bloody taxes? ME! And gasoline, ha the only ones who get rich of it is the government and those, damn thieves. Thank God I have air co otherwise would be poisoned by the stench of patchouli. And look at those trousers; I’m sure you can hide at least 25 political refugees in there. And cut your hair and get a job, so you can earn your money so you can buy a car. But it’s true isn’t it? Why doesn’t she ride on the sidewalk? People like us work for their money; we need to get on time…

All right! GRANDMA ALERT!! Get of the road, stay home and watch some telly, or use your bloody bus pass. I pay taxes for you people, now move it. Don’t get a heart attack, and if you do, not here, I’m getting late. Jesus…


Careful sweetie she has a baby seat on her bike…

So what? I’m not the irresponsible one around here. They should lock ‘em away all of them hippies driving around with baby seats on their bicycles. Bloody dangerous, people like them don’t deserve to be parents. And what is the deal with these idiots towing these kids around on these half bikes. What would the cops say if I were to tow you around in another half a car? Would look pretty ridiculous wouldn’t it?

Oooooh… check out the Lycra faggot over there crossing the road, who the fuck he thinks he is? Floyd Landis? All doped up to their eyeballs… check it out I’ll give him the scare of his life hahahaha…



Dear mister-let’s-impress-the-missus-and-accelerate-and-honk-
the-horn-when-a-cyclist-crosses-the-road-on-the-bicycle-
crossing, you got it all wrong; we’re not all retired unemployed tree hugging hippie do-gooders.
Next time you should try to find that little extra courage to get out of your car and actually see for yourself.
Now THAT would be funny.


Ps: Shout out to the friendly scooter driver who stopped to let me cross the road, thank you very much.

I love the smell of napalm in the morning

Ok that’s a lie, I never seen, heard or smelled napalm in my whole life, not even in the morning. I do like the smell of gasoline though, but I’m not sure that’s the same as the napalm. But I don’t like diesel. That sh** is foul, crude, industrial, ...

Talking about diesel and gasoline; one of the first things I noticed when I started to drive my bike into work was this omnipresent stench of exhaust fumes. If you drive a car you just tend to forget all the pollution in the air, don’t you? Pollution mainly caused by cars. Yeah well, helloooo oooh what did you expect? You can’t blame the cyclists or pedestrians. It would take a whole lot of pedestrians and one hell of a curry to produce the same pollution and noise as your average traffic jam in the city center.

So clever me started to Google around for a solution and came across this dust filters developed especially for cyclists. Unfortunately not a single bike shop I knew sold these filters nor could they tell me where to get one. On a recent city trip to London L and I went into this huge bicycle shop near London Bridge (face it, we all have a soft spot; some people are into poultry and small farm animals, I’m into bicycle shops.) Anyway, this friendly bike shop knew immediately what I was talking about and five minutes later we were standing outside again with a little plastic bag with a gasmask and some spare filters.

Let me tell you this, it’s the most stupid thing I ever bought! First of all, the thing works too well, it only took me three days cycling into work and you could already see how the outside of the filters start to discolor with all the diesel fumes and other pollution. Now two weeks later and the filters are looking grey. Sometimes it’s just better NOT to know what you’re breathing in, ‘cause now I always have to wear that bloody mask. Which brings me to my second gripe; if you are breathing very heavily it can feel like your gasping for air thru a straw. This is not a problem when you’re engaged in some activity that requires no mental or physical effort, like listening to a Paris Hilton CD (ok that causes mental and physical trauma), but it surely sucks when your riding your bike up some technical slope.

So am I not afraid to look stupid with that mask on? Hell no, it just adds up to the whole picture, I’m already cycling around in this skintight bicycle Lycra outfit. It really can’t get any worse, can it? And no, just in case you were wondering; I will NEVER EVER, I repeat; NEVER SHAVE MY LEGS.

It’s not like, driving a car at a mind-boggling speed of 10 km/h while being taken over by some grandma on a bike does make you look any better, so bite me.

Ps: Woohooo I just upped my average speed to 24.3 km/h.

Here we go...

L asks me from time to time whether my glass is half full or half empty. My glass fell of the table a long time ago and quite honestly most of the times I can't be bothered to pick it up again.
I have opinions just like anybody else and I don't claim they matter more than yours; they're mine that's all... Take it or leave it. True, I'm not known for being the greatest communicator and you can hardly accuse me of being an easygoing diplomat, but at least I try to live by my ideas instead of just sitting around while spitting my venom at the world.
My job provides me with a company car. Woohoo free car! Yeah right, there is no such a thing as a free lunch, and there is definitely no free car...
Every day I would take the car to drive LL and V to school, and then drive another 15 km to work. This sounds all fine and dandy but one should know that yours truly, hates driving a car. It feels like I enter a war zone whenever I have to drive my car into work. Morning traffic is a bloody nightmare, let me rephrase that; traffic is an f****** zombie slug race. Every zombie is cueing his/her car into the city and doesn’t give a rats’ about what goes on outside the car. They’re late for work and traffic is just not moving.

So I came up with this genius solution; let’s just leave earlier. I avoid heavy traffic and most important I arrive at work without any stress over all the other stupid drivers who just make traffic impossible for ME.

Ok, LL and V get dropped of a little earlier in school and we need to get up earlier in the morning but it’s worth it, because… I… have… a… free car, woohoo! The problem is that all the other geniuses out there had the exact same idea. Result; I got up even earlier so I could stress even more so I could start cueing even earlier into work…

To cut a long story short, one month ago, I decided to give up on the car and to cycle into work. I still use the car to drive LL and V to school but that’s it, no more cueing for this genius. I get to work in 40 minutes, whereas if I were to do the same distance by car it could take me easily up 1 hour and a half. In this blog, I will try to post some observations on my life as a bicycle commuter. Interesting? You judge, I rant and rave...